The Dino is Mine-O

I was just watching "Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey" and I got to thinking that, if I had to play the Reaper, I'd challenge him to a game of Mario Kart 64.

Water-Lieu: Resolution

It's all over now save the sqawking. And the confusion. And the executions.

Waking up on Monday morning I found my faucet capable of dripping water. A few hours later my toliet was fully flushable once more. It's official, the water is back on, and I'm quite grateful for that. The public schools are still closed until Thursday, the dead fish are still washing up along the river bank, and they'll be installing charcoal filters into the water system for a while now; but the water is back on.

The government has instituted a color-coded "water safety alert" quite similar to the wonderfully comprehensible US Terror Alert: "Red" means heavy contamiination, dont even touch this water for fear of leukemia; "Yellow" means you can do anything with it but drink; "Green" is a full-fledged A-OK. So very simple. But they still haven't notified us where this information may be posted, and so most people's water use is based upon the rumor that they choose to believe.

I can, regardless of the safety level, flush my toliet without fear of cancer.

We hear a bit more every day of how this was handled, but I don't think I'll ever get a full story. Some of the officials and workers from the company whose chemical plant exploded have gone missing; whether they have fled or have been shot we don't know. The municipal and provincial government based in Harbin has been playing ping pong with the national government in Beijing; an endless finger pointing cycle that guaratees no one left with blame. No one made any announcement to the media prior to it already being too late because no one wanted to take responsibility for admitting such a mistake. So no one did. That is why we were left in the dark for so long. That is why we're still in the dark, though to a lesser extent.

A town up-river from Harbin shut itself down 6 days before we did. They are still without water. As the weather is quite cold and the SongHua River rather shallow, a lot of the benzene finds itself frozen under beds of ice, seeping into the ground and destroying the local eco-system. Harbin itself, targeted for industrial and economic growth in the current "five-year plan," was already low on water, now I've heard that the city is 150,000 tons of water short on a daily basis as the new filters hamper flow. A second water plant was apparently begun, but construction lagged and its usefulness was lost.

The newspapers published a different story almost everyday and people invented scores of their own. At this point I don't trust what I read, a view held by many Chinese. But I can still flush my toliet again.

It has been fun playing reporter these past few days. It has not been fun not-showering, not-shaving, and not-flushing. It was even less fun being around others who were not-showering, not-shaving, and not-flushing. Of my own persoanl water supply, I've still got a basin and a half as well as my laundry machine full.

I hope you've enjoyed a first-person account of what happened here, because I'm done with this story. I need to spend some time cleaning both myself and my apartment. We now return you to our regularly scheduled ramblings.

Water-Lieu Day 5: Still No Water

I'm running out of clever post titles as this supposed disaster continues. It wasn't really a disaster, and it certainly didn't need to be as whacked-out insane and... retarded as it was, but it was. Mostly thanks to lies and disinformation. My good friend Jason holds the theory that perhaps all the rumors were spread in an effort to actually create chaos and mistrust, as perhaps people will panic less if they don't know whats going on or who to trust. Either way, I found out today that MY OWN BOSS fled the city and left us here with full intention of working every possible hour despite all public schools and most private schools having been closed. Good luck getting my trust/supprt/faith back, boss. Here's looking at you.


I had to face this Saturday just like I've had to face every other Saturday: 8 hours of teaching and 12 hours around the school. As the weather is consistantly hovering just above 0, I've got to bundle up just for the two block walk. But today, not having the ability to shower, I didn't have to worry about frost forming around damp hair or aftershave freezing outright. Of course, not having the ability to shower doesn't put me in a very presentable mood, and my eyes are a bit strained from constant use of my glasses, not to mention it isnt fair to rob the world of these gorgeous baby blues. However, better to don the specs than risk a zombifiying case of the pink eye.


My first class on Saturday is "Go-Go" level, 3-5 year olds for the most part. I only had three students today, so we played Go Fish and completed an alphabet maze activity and... well, I forget what else we did. I'm really not suited for teaching this age level, but I'm stuck doing it for better or worse until we change the system (and I'm trying, don't worry!). Luckily, the snot spewing little racist couldn't make it today, so it was a bit more peaceful than usual. Good for my nerves.


Next up came "Chatterbox" with Sissi where the kids are more around the 6-10 age group. Only five students (out of 15) showed, and no way in hell was I going to continue with my lesson plan only to have to repeat it again next week, so I gave them a spelling test, played hangman (with spelling lessons tied in!), and, yes, Go Fish. I love Go Fish. It really is a great standbye.


From Chatterbox I role into "Cambridge," which stands as my bread and butter. These students are preteens-15 year olds, and I've got more Cambridge than any other level. Their ability is good enough that I can play around with them in class, but not so good that my class is ever easy. Not even close, actually. I've got a rep, that is for sure, and it does not involve playing games or being easy. Today I departed from our text book to pound prefixes and suffixes into the students who dare show, and they certainly learned something. Sure, I dangled a massive Hershey's bar in front of them as a reward, but I didn't let a single kid get a lick. They didn't finish their work fast enough. Not my problem. They know that. Seven and a half months of teaching them later and they even respect that.


Usually after my Cambridge class I vamoose to get some fresh air, often at a local cafe where I can sip a coffee and reread the Chronicles of Narnia or Catcher in the Rye over cheescake or at a cozy soup restaurant, but as the cafe is closed with the water stoppage and I don't trust a Chinese restaurant further than I can spit until the water is back on, I hung around the school. Not always a good thing, as time like this I usually drift into a really inquisitive mood and pressure answers from people who don't know. Today I was trying to learn about the Chinese legal system as a man is sueing the Party over this water debacle and the subsequent lies but, well, no one really could grasp what I was getting at. Basically what they said was "You can't sue the government, they control the courts! It's useless!" At least I got that.

The day ended with a whimper as I taught some tired advanced students about the history of Thanksgiving. Now I'm home. I'm going to have a scotch and watch a movie to unwind because I just taught 8 hours over 12 hours and thats 1/3 of my workweek. Oo-whee.

Water-Lieu Day 4: Reason (Kinda) Finds a Way

Everynow and then, somehow, common sense and intelligence find a way to break through the pollution here in Harbin. (This is a metaphor to match the adjoining picture taken from the "23rd floor" office I tutor some business-type folks at every Friday! Poetic! Bill!)

We're still without water, people are still freaking out over an earthquake that can't be predicted, and hordes have fled the city. The public schools are all closed, but the private schools remain open to snag any buck, or RMB, they can.

Tonight I should have had a class but only three students showed up (usually 15). I complained, sayinig this was useless, and stated that I was going to diverge from the scheduled lesson because with so many absent students I'd just have to re-teach the lesson again next week. Well, no one listened to me, but they sure as hell listened to the mother who was flipping out for some reason or other. And as the parent's (consumer's) word is law around here, the class was cancelled.

Was it for the right reason? I don't care. I'm going to kick back and work on this never-ending DVD project of mine and watch "Lawrence of Arabia."

I never thought "snow days" could be as cool for the teacher as they were for the student. Color me wrong!

Water-Lieu Day 3: Keeping Clean, Keeping Sane, Keeping True

Waking up today, the first goal was to shower. That was done at a ritzy hotel not too far away from my apartment. It was great to have a hotel room all to myself, if only for an hour. In fact, I think the shortage of time inspired my unconcious deisre to trash said hotel room, as I flooded the Noah out of the place. I repel blame, however, as the doohiky that looked like a drain cover (it was full of holes for Christ's sake!) was actually a drain plug. So maybe I flooded a hotel room this morning.

After that I caught a bus across town to the Costco equivalent and picked up some scotch (Dewars, of course) and some brie. After that, I got home, cracked the scotch, sliced the brie, and enjoyed "The Royal Tenenbaums," one of my favorite 'family' movies.

After the movie (and a 1/3 of the scotch) I met up with the new American, the Aussie, and the Russian friend for dinner. We went to the Holiday Inn which enjoyed a wonderful spread that included turkey, sirloin, salmon, apple pie, and many other delicious treats. However, much to my chagrin, they were missing mashed potatoes and stuffing.

It was a good meal, with good company, and I'm very happy. It's tough celebrating Thanksgiving away from home, and I think it'll be more difficult than celebrating Christmas away. But tonight was a good night, and I'm happy. Sure, they didn't have some old goofy guy deep frying a turkey, but all the good old goofy guys are visiting my brother in Prague right now, so all I can do is post more pictures of potentially old goofy guys deep frying turkeys.

PS: I respect and love old goofy guys because I'm well down the path towards becoming an old goofy guy who will one day deep fry his own turkey. I just like to poke fun. Poke. Poke.

Water-Lieu Day 2: Crossed Lines

First off, accolades to my boss of bosses (aka the Chief of Police) as despite al my ranting, he at least understands the foreigner's desire to shower regularly. We've been given two rooms at a swanky hotel that is unaffected by the water stoppage because they draw from an uncontaminated underground well. This means I'll be able to cleanse myself tomorrow (Thanksgiving) regardless of my own apartment having water or not.

Anyways, as this situation develops it becomes only more and more clear that no one knows what the hell is going on. Fact: A chemical plant exploded in JiLin. That is all I can state as a fact at this point. There may or may not be a toxic level of benzine (benzene?) in the local river. It migh have already flowed past, it might not have really reached us yet. It might not even exist, this might all be one big over-under-reaction. I know my fellow Americans were quite disturbed with how the Katrina disaster was handled, but trust me, it can't have been as confusing and poorly organized as this. And this situation DOES NOT compare to the devastation of Katrina in any way, other than it involves water.

At this moment, I've got water in my apartment again. I've flushed my toliet clean and refilled buckets. Food supply going strong, stink still contained. Tomorrow I will wake up, shower either at home or at this hotel, trek across town to snag some Dewars, then relax until the Harbin Holiday Inn sets the table for turkey dinner. Our latest edition to the staff, a fellow Americano, will be joining me, plus an Aussie and her Russkie friend. It'll be a multi-national Thanksgiving, but it'll be with friends, and it won't be alone. I'm thankful for that.

Water-Lieu: Day 1

I really wish I had posted last night now, as I've been informed by a Blogger in Arms (check out Adventures in Twenty Something on the side bar) via email this morning that not only has the Harbin water stoppage become an international news story, but that the government has changed its own record of the account.

As of yesterday afternoon, the official government word was that the water was being turned off for "routine maintenance." Now, ask anybody on the street and they'd tell you any one of a number of stories: a chemical plant exploded polluting the river, an earthquake broke the lines, and earthquake was going to happen and this was to prevent breaking the lines, etc. The chemical plant take was by far the most popular, denied by the government, but also the most reasonable. Turns out that was the truth, andnow its the official, PRC sponsored truth.

Here is a pic of the offended Song Hua River:


The sad part of all this is that I've been forced to lose a bit of respect for one of the small handful of people around here I've given carte blanche status, this being my Chinese teacher. We discussed the entire situation in class yesterday and in the end he told me he agreed with the party line, and whether that was an honest answer or not, he still said it. I know I have a lot more to learn about living/growing up in a place like the People's Republic, but...

Anyways, I'm not sure if everything is really "calm." Public schools are now shut down. (Chances that private schools will follow suit: slim to none, there is money to be made! Sanitation be damned!) Last night I witnessed two fist fights break out in my favorite neighborhood meat-on-a-stick joint, one over who got to use the bathroom next! Before that, I don't think I'd ever seen a fight break out here. Admittedly, it was hysterical to watch.

What does this all mean for me? Well, I'm pretty much shutting myself off from the tangible outside world (I'll still be on the internet!) as much as possible for the next few days. Seriously, I only plan on leaving my apartment now when forced to teach and for special exemption. Tomorrow being Thanksgiving, I consider that a special exemption, even if it means paying a ridiculously high price just to get some turkey and stuffing at the local Holiday Inn and even if I'm going to be eating it alone. Water stoppage, rampant pestilence, other people; be ye all damned before I miss my Thanksgiving Dinner!

Water-lieu: Preparation

I've been a busy little beaver since being warned of the impending doom. Since word of the water stoppage reached my cell phone, I've been filling almost any sizeable container full of water; hopefully enough to last more than a few days. At this point it is still unclear as towards what is happening, all we are sure of here in Harbin is that the water is going to stop.

As of this moment, here is how my stores lie: In my bathroom I've got 9 approx. liter sized beer bottles, 3 wine bottles, and 2 scotch bottles full of water for "flushing" purposes. I've got two basins and a stolen beer pitcher sitting in my kitchen, these are allocated for face washing and teeth brushing. Finally, I filled up my laundry machine, which stores over 10 gallons, for emergency purposes. None of this water is drinkable, unless first boiled, but I've still got about 4 gallons in my water cooler.

Apparently the stores have all had a run on food and water, and I picked up some of my own edibles just now. There was not much left, so all I walked out with was a few loaves of bread, some cured lamb shanks, a big hunk of beef sausage, and some assorted yogurts. I've already compiled a large reserve of chocolate (thanks to Mom and Aunt Kaethe) so I think I'm OK on the food front.

Now, I need to say this again, NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT IS GOING ON. I've heard that the water will be off for 4 days, 6 days, and 10 days. I've heard that its because an earthquake is going to happen, I've heard that the earthquake already happened, I've heard that its due to pollution levels, I've heard its because a petrochemical factory on the bank of the local river burnt down thus tainting the water supply. Every person I ask has a different story. Even the newspaper isnt clear.

I'm scared, I really am. But I'm prepared to hole up in my apartment starting tomorrow. We've still got a few hours until the entire city is cut off, and I'm willing to eat out tonight and feel confident in the sanitation at the restaurant, but starting tomorrow, no. I really can not believe that any eatery will have enough stock of water to properly clean and maintain healthy conditions. Its hard enough as is where most customers spend their time not chewing hocking lugies on the floor. Now they can't flush the toliet or wash their hands?

And what about my school? Or any school? I've seen unflushed squatters overflow and spill across floors, am i going to have to work alongside that sort of mess? That sort of smell? Ugh. I foresee much problemos on the horizon.

"And behold, a pale horse, and he who sat on it, his name was Death. Hades followed with him. Authority over one fourth of the earth, to kill with the sword, with famine, with death, and by the wild animals of the earth was given to him."

Man, I love getting biblical.

I Live in China

I just received the scariest message I have ever received via cell phone text message.

WATER IS BEING SHUT OFF SHORTLY, MAY B OFF FOR 4 DAYS

Rock on!

UPDATE: Here is the official word on the water shut-off. Apparently they are predicting an earthquake for the weekend, so they gotta shut the water off.

Yeah, me neither.

People Who SHOULD Be Reading This Blog Are (But are Not Limited to):

Not Pictured: Aunt Kaethe, David Baker Rice, and many others.

Because I'm Blue to the Core

Andover beat Exeter in the yearly gridiron battle, 24-8, thus finishing the season undefeated. Go Big Blue!

Some readers are familiar with my fanaticsm towards my high school, some are not. All should know that the Andover/Exeter rivalry is the oldest high school rivalry in America, both schools having been founded before there was even a Constitution.

Even fewer readers might be aware of the significant moments that the Andover/Exeter game has provided in my life, let it be the purely athletic game-winning catch of one Titus Ivory during my Junior (freshmen) year or the more mischevious, and personal, stealing of the Exeter's mascot head during my Upper (junior) year. (Let it be also known that Chris Chen got the short end of that stick.)

Regardless, Go Andover!

Yes, Bill is Still Writing this Blog

I'm ganking this post from Mr. M ("Tales from the Club" on the sidebar), but its a noble cause. Go to ESPN's Page 2 and vote in the greatest NCAA basketball teams of all time tourney. The Hoyas, complete with Sleepy Floyd, are ranked 4 in the Carrier Dome bracket. Here is the link if youre lazy: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hoops/tournament/index

Seriously Not Cool

As if I didn't already dread my classes with the real little kids.

One of my youngest students stopped calling me teacher and started calling me an American devil. The actual phrase he used might be equated to the "n" word back home but channels its hatred through nationality, not race. Oh, and it's its state-sanctioned.

Regardless, screw you kid. I don't care how young you may be, that was not called for.

Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.

Harbin Street Stories: Poundin' the Pavement

The morning slipped by like most. I wandered around my apartment, intermittently engaged with either surfing the internet, bingeing on DVDs, or (supposedly) cleaning up my place. Regardless, time ran together and memories lost definition and now nothing stands clear from that morning.

Eventually the combination of hunger, boredom, and cabin fever forced me into the outside world sometime maybe after 2. Having no business, no ambition, and no desires; I hit the street with no plan on how to occupy myself. A walk was, in the least, necessary, so I headed out in the general direction of everything. I also felt the need for a report on Harbin life for el blogomondo, and having my camera and notepad ready, I whipped out the 40G, set it shuffling Dre, Snoop, Em, 50, and Kanye, then ambitiously brought out the strut.


It only took 3 blocks before something caught my interest. Traffic here, as mentioned, finds itself a few notches beyond crazy. Outside the entrance of the big name university in town we've got this rotary dealie. Due to the flow of traffic and the layout of the exits off the circle, its only a matter of time before you'll see buses, cabs, and vans pretzled in together. Gordion Knots. It's hysterical, and makes for easy street-crossing.


Hanging a louie, I began the long, straight shot down DaZhiJie, one of the main drags of Harbin. It's a huge street, flanked by wide boulevards of sidewalks on either side (they gotta make room for 1.3 billion somehow), and one bastard of a cross wind. From my point of origin, DaZhiJie brings me past HIT, a Mao statue, some rather ugly public art (pictures have been posted on previous entries), a middle school, a handful of cell phone markets, and some other crazy stuff.

Funny thing about sidewalks here. I tried to define the word to a class once by stating "a sidewalk is the stip of pavement on the side of the road where you can walk and where cars can't drive." They didn't understand. "What do you mean, 'where cars can't drive?'" After remembering I was in China, their confusion made sense, as there really is no place "where cars can't drive." Automobiles zip up and down the sidewalk as they do the main road, dodging and honking at pedestrians the entire way.


By the way, if you didn't know, they love Jet Li here.


Arriving at the Snowflake I was forced underground. HongBo Circle, with its Snowflake axis, offered a game of Frogger I was in no mood for. Luckily a warren of tunnels weave their way under the traffic while simultaneously housing cheap, shoddy Chinese garments. Mao built these tunnels for the defence of Chinese Socialism. Now they are bastions of Capitalism. Hooray!

Crawling back up into the daylight I formed a plan. I needed to see the Fat Lady.

The Happiest Boy in the World

I've now received two care packages in the past week. Hooray! Hooray!

This time it was from Mom, and by the 18 Hells of China, it had pants. Khakis, cords, and jeans. And they are all a size lower than when I left the US. All a perfect fit.

My old pants are all ridiculously big on me, not that they were ever really slim cut to begin with. And sure, I've been able to find pants around here, but they all the affordable ones are always a bit shoddy if they even have my size. I found some jeans, but they got an effeminate doolie across the bum. So, now, I'm happy.

I don't care if you call me a Momma's boy. I love my Mom.

She also sent Flushable Wipes with Scrubbing Bubbles.

Holy Salivation!

I am currently staring at:
Honey Bunches of Oats Granola Bars
Twix
Snickers
TicTacs
Nature Valley Granola Bars
Oreos
Reese Peanut Butter Cups
Reese PB Cups with White Chocolate
2 Huge Hershey Bars
Trail Mix
Dove Bars
Life Savers
1 Steelers T-Shirt

This haul comes courtesy of my Aunt Kaethe. I'm quite excited. Some of these items I've been craving for a long time but have had no luck in finding suitable substitutes in China. Namely: granola bars, Reese PB Cups, and trail mix. The entire spread is laid out on my bed, almost inviting me to roll around in its goodness Scrooge McDuck style.

It's also funny how my father's side of the family (my Aunt Kaethe is his older sister) have never ceased in turning me and my siblings into Pittsburgh fans. Well, I'm not a huge sports fan, but I am Boston bred, born, and raised. That said, the Sox, the Bruins, the Celtics (though I'd rather watch Hoya-ball), and the Pats will always be my #1 pro teams. (Plus the Steelers aren't coached by any Andover grads! Haha! You knew that was coming!)

However, the tshirt is black, and I do respect that.

Thank you very very much Aunt Kaethe. Time to jump into that pile of goodness now.

Halloween in Harbin

Hooray for Halloween. Hands down, my favorite social holiday. Here is the story on the 2005 Haunted Harbin Halloween.


I spent morning picking up last minute necessities to host a hole for our Halloween Golf Party. If you don't know what a Golf Party is, well, I'm not going to explain it here. Once home, I spent some time with quality horror films such as "Psycho" and "Night of the Living Dead (1968)," as well as some Simpsons' Halloween episodes. I carved a final jack-o-lantern. Then I put the costume together.

I went out this year as Baron Samedi, a figure prominent in the Voodoo religion of Haiti but maybe best known from his turn in "Live and Let Die" as a Bond baddie. (He's also in Goldeneye, one of the best video games ever. But you probably never use the Baron if you play, as he's very tall and often shoots over the heads of the other characters. I could go on, I could probably devote an entire blog to that one video game, but not here, not now.) Anyways, it wasnt too hard, and I got to use chicken feet in the costume. Not too hard to find chicken feet in China, actually, I can buy them almost immediately outside my front door.


Dan came over to do up his own paint job, he was shooting for a wizard outfit but seemed like everyone took it a different way. he got lots of "youre a demon!" or "youre that guy from that movie!" or "Darth Maul!" guesses all night, few got it right. Oh well. Still looked impressive, and once he was set we were already late, so we cabbed up to Craig's for the first hole of the night: beer.

At Craig's we met up with most of the Sunshine crew. Sadly, no one else was close to as geared up as Dan and I. Peer pressure is a wonderful tool though, so we got to work forcing others to get in the spirit. Jordan, one of our youngbucks, caved first. Wasn't sure it was possible, but, well, just take a look at the picture. Speaks for itself.


This post was going to continue on, I was going to fill it with humorous anecdotes from the evening, a few poignant observations, and the usual nonsense, but I just realized how tired and hungover I still am. So, know this: I served daiquiris, we took a break mid-golf to sit down at a restaurant and eat and terrorize Chinese people, and at the end of it all I passed out on the floor in the corner of a kitchen with a dog licking my face.

I love Halloween.

Now here are some pictures. Enjoy.