And Now For Something Completely Different.

Its a "Flower." Say it: "Flow-er." Good.
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

Dear Viewers:

This publication will be taking a short hiatus as the editors travel YunNan Province in southwest China. In the meantime, please stand on one leg.

We'll be back in 9 days.

Yours,
The Editors

Later, suckers!

He Caught a Boot! A BOOT!
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

I've finagled my 5 day vacation into a 10 day vacation (I am so smart! S=M-R-T!) and as such I will be enjoying an all expenses paid tour of lovely... YUNNAN!

Yes, its Yunnan Province in the southwest of China. Land of the majority of Chiina's minorities (there are 56 in China total and 98% of the population is all Han Chinese!) that skirts along the Tibetan Plateau!

Yes, its Yunnan, where you can visit KunMing, the flower city! Or take in the Naxi Orchestra in old world LiJiang! Bargain for cheap Burmese jade! Eat Across-the-Bridge Noodles! Its... YunNan!

I leave Monday. I'll be the sole foreigner in a group of Chinese tourists. And the travel agent warned me: YunNan rice is not like NorthEastern Rice. YunNan rice... is harder.

I don't know why she told me that. But I've been warned.

[CENSORED]

This is where I live.
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

So... I was trying to explain the concept of someone else "making you feel old" the other day. While I can't remember my exact situation (it might have been over something like music before Linkin Park was popular), I equated it to the Chinese, who was my age, meeting someone who didn't know about what happened in Tiananmen Square.

"What do you mean something that happened in Tiananmen Square?" she asked.
"I mean something big that happened there... in 1989?" sayeth I.
"I dunno." repliedeth sheen.
"College students?"
"Oh! Yes! I know! They had a party!"

I wrote it off as she isn't the brightest, but I was curious enough to start asking every Chinese person about it. None of them knew much at all. They knew about the demonstrations, they knew that the college kids were protesting and even going on hungerstrikes; but only the brightest I've talked to knew even just this.

But one did say that one day the news just stopped coming from Beijing. No one ever told him what happened after that day in early June when the news just stopped.

Wow.

I've been trying to keep up with the Katrina Catastrophe via the Internet, but I don't think it has hit me like it has hit everyone back home. Nobody here talks about it, most don't know about it, and certainly no one is broadcasting anything about it. Its a non-story.

Boy, am I happy we've got the internet!

Viewer Mail

Professor McGonigle
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

I thought it'd be fun to share some of the emails I've received from students and co-workers lately. Here they are, unedited:

"l like best working with you, it make me happy and relaxing, that is fun. Almost every week l expect to work with you together.
at first , l saw you , l felt familiar. l don't know why, maybe you are American , when l see you , l will recall my old friend. so l really like you . every time l see you , l want to play with you, l don't know you are happy or not. Have you as my friend , that is my luckness in my life."

"I start to miss you class now.I hope to ba back but I can't.What a pity!I'm fine at school.But I'm not very happy because I'll miss you class."

"You are a good teacher,and I learnt a lot from you .What a pity you will not teache me . But you are my best teacher forever."

"people seldom give me such kind of advises that encourage me, inspire me. So I feel very happy that I can have this good teacher likes you. I can’t help say thank you to you, thank you to your loyalty, your smart and your enthusiasm."

Wisdom Doesnt Necessarily Come With Age

These 4 Year Olds Have More Decency Than That Old Bastard
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

I don't usually discuss individuals in this blog, but there was an incident this weekend that has riled me so that I can't get it off my mind for even a moment.

Sunday afternoon, apparently angry at his pen having run out of ink, one of our teachers hucked a marker at the head of one of our Chinese TAs.

This might be bad enough, for it is certainly behavior uncalled for in any situation, but the thrower was a teacher who had already worn many of his relationships with the Chinese staff thinner than Saran Wrap. And the TA is probably the friendliest and most beloved staff member, Chiense or otherwise. And it was done in front of a class full of impressionable young children.

Seriously: what the fuck?!

I don't care how old you are, what experience you might have, where you may have been; maliciously pelting your coworker with any object over such a trivial misfortune is plain wrong.

Ever since I got here it was evident that a rift between the foreigners and the Chinese existed. Ever since I got here I did everything I could to try and teach the Chinese about foreign culture while simultaneously teaching the foreigners about Chinese culture. I had hoped to foster understanding. Now it is all going to be flushed down the drain.

God, I'm angry. If I was back in the US, I wouldn't be as angry as this, as I'd have a life outside the office. But here in China, its all we got, and this issue is going to die hard.

This incident is far from over, and I know tomorrow will bring another chapter in the drama, but for now I need to return to my couch and resume the fetal position I have adopted all day as my stomach is going haywire.

Public Diplomacy

I Thought it was Just a Tulip Garden...
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

The other night became one of those nights that I really live for here in China. I say that because not only was I completely self-sufficient, getting through a very long conversation with no trouble whatsoever, but also because I changed some minds.

I was at dinner, just eating at the bar of my nearby Chinese BBQ restaurant (meat on a stick!) when the gentlemen next to me started yelling for the server. But one actually started yelling "hello!" which caused me to instinctively turn around.

This got them to crack a joke at my expense, to which I deftly responded in Chinese that I was smarter than I thought as I don't mock people who are within earshot. There jaws dropped as I went back to my dinner, but their curiosity was peaked.

They quickly began asking the routine questions: Where are you from? What do you do? Do you like Chinese food? Do you want to marry a Chinese girl? Once those were out of the way, they began to ask a few deeper questions, like: Do Americans all think all Chinese are starving? What do you think of China? Why did you come to China? Don't you think China is dirty/stupid/backwards/poor?

Now, I must say, I learned a thing or two about diplomacy while at Georgetown, and i've leard a thing or two about Chinese culture since I've arrived. I gave the two gentlemen honest answers, all in Chinese. I gave them answers that (I think) got them thinking, as after some of my replies they'd turn to each other and (once again forgetting that I could both hear and understand them) made such comments as:
"This kid is 24! He's as wise as my grandfather!"
"That is a better answer than what the Party says!"
"His school must be the best in Harbin!"

But my favorite was: "Wow. Maybe Americans are not as selfish and cruel and ignorant as we thought."

It was really great. Talking to two guys, simply being honest, meeting them with their own language, I was quite proud.

PICTURE EXPLANATION: I went to the local Botanical Garden the other day, and this sign jumped out at me. If you didn't fear the Chinese before, think again before planting that Peony.

"Really Hope See You Caain"

Ah, Chinese "Art"
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

These are the words emblazoned on the 300+ invitations my school recently mailed out in hope to attract new students/new business to out school.

And yes:
1. It SHOULD read "Really Hope TO See You"
2. "Caain" is not a word.

I pointed out both of these errors to one of our office managers before they began any real work on them. It was my assumption that they could return the cards for a proper printing. Instead, all she did was shrug her shoulders and state that the other Chinese wouldn't know the card held any mistakes.

I've mentioned this "ChaBuDuo" attitude before; that is to say a prevalent attitude in China that accepts whatever is "good enough," or better translated, "Not a big deficiency." For me, especially after my year and a half working in immigration at BAL where the job was the details, attitudes of this nature are straight out maddening.

Another example: The sign outside our main branch states that our school is open everyday from 18:00 (6PM) until 20:00 (8PM). It should have been "8:00," not "18:00." I told the boss. She had never noticed. She didn't give it another thought.

Another example: My TA had to prepare a vocab list for one of my classes. I instructed her, explicitly, to use the Merriam Webster American English Dictionary. She didn't. How did I know? Well, for one, half the words were defined or spelled in accordance with British English. Secondly, it was obvious that she had used a Microsoft application, as the word "Explorer" had been defined as "the fastest and most convenient internet browsing application available for today's consumer." She couldn't understand my disappointment, as her job was "ChaBuDuo." So I started mispronouncing her name, simply by chanigng the tones, and began calling her the Chinese equivalent of "Pig Face." She got angry and asked why I was butchering her name. I said I didn't understand her disappointment, as my pronounciation was "ChaBuDuo."

Sad to say, she still hasn't learned her lesson. But, on the bright side, I have met many dust bunnies here more intelligent than that particular TA.

Argh.

Some do understand that "ChaBuDuo" is not the way to run a business, some realize its a mentality that will hinder China from ever being as great as a certain other nation *cough* USA *cough*. A sliver of hope shined through when one of our staffed came up to me and asked what should be done about those misprinted cards.

Me: "Can you get them reprinted?"
Her: "No, and we have to have them mailed today anyways. What can we do is anybody asks about that word, 'caain?'"
"Tell them its an ancient Scottish word of well-wishing and friendship."
"Oh, is that what it is?"
"No, but you just believed it, so they probably will too."

Oh the Chinese! Oh the Bill!

Quick, middle-of-class post:

Smack dab in the middle of a connect-the-dot activity, two of my students, "Shark" and "Maria," started playing "Laundromat." The simply folded their clothes and then petitioned other students for more business.

Now we are returning to class where I have designed a simple variation of Hot Potato to be played along with the timeless classic "Its a Small World Afterall."

It Burns! It Burns!

This is a Terrible Picture of Me
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

No, I'm not talking about syphilis, I'm talking about my computer. After a long process of searching, haggling, hacking, and simple waiting; I finally have a DVD burner. I'm quite happy with it. So far I've tested only one project, which seems to have passed with flying colors. But I also got my hands on iDVD 5.0, which means I need to learn a whole new system. The end result will be some mailings in the nearer future.

On a side note, I don't know if they have syphilis in China. Which goes to say that they probably do, but its likely denied by the gub'mint or lacking from common knowledge. Were either true, then the local response is always "We don't have that in China."

So, in that vein, here is a short list of things Chinese people have told me do not exist in China:
- Pink Eye
- Cortisteroid (simple antihistamine)
- Apple Computers
- Whores (HA!)
- Acne
- Privacy (I believe this one)
- Warts
- Poor People
- Mentally Handicapped
- A Good Burrito (Sadly true)

The list goes on, but I'm tired, tomorrow is Saturday (no longer a day of fun for this guy), and Season 6 of the Simpsons is calling out for a quick viewing.

What? Something OUTSIDE of China? Nooooo...

There That Goes
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

As I write this blog entry, my watch reads 9:43 PM on September 1, 2005. I have, in the past hour, just been made aware of the New Orleans disaster.

If you remember, it took an inordinate amount of time for word of the London bombing to reach anyone here a few weeks ago.

And this isnt the first time: back during my '97 trip, numerous big stories lost their voice before they reached the jade-lined shores of the Middle Kingdom.

Now, I'm one of the first to criticize the American media for being a little too America-centric. A good dose of international awareness would do good for the American public. It would, at least, cut back on material for Canada's wildly popular "Stupid Things Americans Say" programs.

But while the US newsagencies may have their flaws, we can't hold a candle to the PRC. Most of the news coverage here really is blatant propaganda; perhaps blaming the recent unidentified biological outbreak on a neighboring nation, or maybe a week long praise for the government seizure of thousands of kilos of opium, or the incessant attacks on the USA for everything from oil resources to undie exports.

Thank god for the internet. And my father's subscription to the Journal.