Sibilence, Sibilence

At Least He Is Comfortable With It...
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

Back to the education topic.

Which is a bit difficult, as I forget where I left off and I can't view my own blog.

Pre-school, Grade School, Junior High, and High School are spent by the average Chinese student worrying about "The Test." Everything they are taught, the entire curriculum and the methodologies implemented by the teachers aims to prepare students for the collenge entrance test. Seriously, these kids are worrying about it even when they are 10 years old.

The Chinese college admission test takes 3 or 4 days to complete. The major sections of the test cover Chinese, Math, and English. The test is taken at the same time on the same day all over the country, but the tests themselves vary from province to province differing in regard to the local educational standards. However, the test is only given once a year. That is it. You can get a second chance, but you have to wait a year for it and pay a fine.

You take the test in July, after you've graduated from High School. Yup. So you graduate, but you haven't applied to any school, havent even taken the test, but you'll be in a college dorm come August.

Basically, the kids take the test then go home to try and figure out their scores, because the following week they have to "apply" to college. By "apply," I mean they have to fill out a betting form, one based on their potential score where the college of your choice is your payoff.

The 'betting form' divides your score into different levels, that is to say, you can list what schools will be your preference if you score this high, or this high, or this high, as your score (and options) go down.

Then, in each tier, you rank the schools as you'd prefer to attend them. Then, if your score is high enough, and if the freshmen class for your #1 choice hasn't already been filled, you go there. If the enrollment is full, then onto your second choice, and so on.

But the universities CAN reject you. How? Why? If you rank their school too low, or if you don't list it as a preference high enough to suit their egos, they can refuse admittance. So you need to weigh your potential, unknown score against your options and the various egos of those options.

And you still don't know your major yet.

Once you are fit into a school, you enter another raffle, once again based upon your test score, where the school determines your major. The higher your score, the better chance you have of studying what YOU WANT.

Certain majors fill up quickly, ie: Physics or Engineering or IT type stuff. The dumping ground? English. Yup. English majors are often English majors because their scores were not high enough to merit them entry to the study of their own choice. There are two English majors commonly offered in the universities here: Travel English and Business English. The difference? One teaches you how to discuss ordering a sandwich at KFC, the other teaches you how to discuss ordering a sandwich at KFC in various provinces across China.

Which makes most of the college students I've dealt with rather disillusioned, disheartened, and flat out embarrassed to be an English major. More on colelge later.

Disease Bag

Patient Zero
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

After Jolin, one of our Chinese staff, hopped in the back seat of our driver's minibus the other day, she asked me how my trip to Beijing fared.

"Oh, it was great. I eaven brought you back a present, baby" I sleazed out in Chinese as I put my arm around her.

"Oooooh! What did you get me!?!?" she returned in squeal.

Then, in perfect Chinese, as I had practiced all day: "Conjunctivitus."

She jumped back against the side of the van, sprawling against the window. "What?! No! We don't have that in Haerbin!"

"You do now, babe, you do now."

Turns out that the pollution can be so bad in Beijing that one may contract pinkeye simply by walking around in the capital's oh-so-fresh air.

2008 is going to be hysterical for those of us in the know.

I did force an immediate trip to the hospital as soon as I settled on my self-diagonosis Sunday morning. This, too, was interesting, as as soon as the doc took a gander at my peeper she couldn't help but proclaim she had never seen an eye like mine.

"What do you mean? Because they are [such an intoxicatingly beautiful] blue?"

"No it something else, I don't know how to explain it to you [with your stupid white boy Chinese], but my friends will want to see this."

At that point a line of doctors took turns examining, ooh-ing and aah-ing, and debating the oddities of my pussy oculars.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the attention.

A Refresher Course on Good, Old Friends

HuangHuaCheng
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

Last week I got the hell out of Dodge (Haerbin) and hightailed a 12 hour train south to Beijing. The payoff? A small handful of days that seemed like a joyous lifetime.

Jay Slothouber (SFS 04 and fellow Chinese-studying-honkey) was in the hemisphere traveling with his girlfriend Kelly. As they had come 6,000 miles in my direction, I leaped at the chance to travel the few hundred to meet them in Beijing.

It was great. After meeting up at the train station, I dumped my bags in their hotel room and we hit WangFuJing for some expensive chuar (Chinese BBQ) and some beer. The next day was spent at the Summer Palace (I need to give you readers two comparison pictures my recent Summer Palace trips, as they really illustrate beijing's pollution problem) and Bei Da, but the highlight was dinner at TGI Fridays. I gorged on Mozzerella Sticks, Buffalo Wings, Potato Skins, a Cobb Salad, and Steak Fajitas. It was one of the best meals I have ever eaten. And it didnt contain rice, or dumpling, or noodle, or an inordinate amount of oil.

Wednesday was spent with a day trip to the Great Wall, a section known as "HuangHua," or "Yellow Flower." I asked our minivan driver why it was called "Yellow Flower." Answer: "Because thats what people call it." Thanks, guy.

HuangHua was great because it was an isolated section of the wall that was just being targetted by the tourism bureau for modernization. Which means they rebuild the wall and install a few KFC and ripoff tourist junk vendors. Just like BaDaLing, if you have been there. But, for right now, we were able to experience an origingal part of the wall without the hassle of large crowds of stupid white people wearing stupid hats.

We did get to spend time with a pair of fellows from Deutseland, two guys who spoke zero Chinese and had no idea where they were. Two guys who had me biting my tongue that entire afternoon. Surely no one who speaks German could be evil.

A dinner at one of Beijing's premiere Peking Duck restaurants and most of the next day spent in the new-fangled Silk Alley (it used to be a rundown alley, as of February even, but now its a fully modernized shopping center) rounded out the trip, and then it was back to Haerbin.

I was getting a little stir-crazy before the trip, but seeing those two really reinvigorated my soul. Put some things in perspective. Certainly boosted my confidence as they were not only impressed with my increased Chinese ability, but quickly remarked on the wieght loss.

Either way, I still miss a lot of our readers back in the good ol' US of A, and if youre reading this, send me an email and give me an update. I only heard a fraction of all that I'm missing out on from Jay and Kelly, so help me kill the cat and fill me in. I got enough free time now to read (and write) rambling emails, that is for sure.

Hooray for Honkies!

Frank, Jay, Bill, Stache
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

Tomorrow I'm going to Beijing, as my new schedule gives me a good bit of lee-way midweek. Why am I going to Beijing? Well, because Jay and Kelly, two good friends and fellow Hoyas are there. I'm excited to see someone from the old gang, and also just to get out of Harbin for a few days. So hooray for me. And hooray for them.

Looking at this picture lets me relish the lost weight, but simultaneously mourn the old stache.

French Fries with Gravy

Stacie Gets a PiggyBack Ride
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

We lost our first soldier since I joined the Sunshine English family yesterday. By now Stacie Longworth has returned her Saskabush to Saskatchewan, which is apparently a province in Canada but I still don't believe it exists. Either way, Stacie will be the first person who will be able to read this blog who has shared in the Harbin experience (my blog is considered to be a threat and is therefore firewalled by the Chinese state) which I promise won't change my postings in anyway, save a couple more lively stories about the silliness going on here in the Pearl on the Neck of the Swan (lame nickname for Harbin).

Stacie, you will be missed but never forgotten, stay in touch.

Elementary & High School; or, The Temples of Doom

Big Ass Buddha
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

So your kid starts learning English at age three, but the real education doesnt begin for another few years when they finally enter school proper.

I should note that while searching ESL Teacher boards lately, I found a game called "Chinese School." Thinking it might be appropriate, I read the instructions for the game. Basically, the point of the game was to go as long as possible without laughing and simply repeating what the person before you said without any variation.

Unsurprisingly, this is exactly like what real Chinese school seems to be like.

I can remember all my teachers fairly well, especially all my early teachers. Mrs. Nicholson taught me confidence in kindergarten, Mrs. Daniels instilled respect for education, Mrs. Wing introduced me to new wonders in reading, Mrs. Clark help expand my imagination and Mrs. Martin focused that creativity. These women shaped my early education, and did so through literature, writing, math, science, history, georgraphy, social studies, cultural topics, and a variety of other subjects. As a result, I consider my early education to be very well-rounded. More than that, I attribute my early education for my deep sense of curiousity and at times run-away imagination.

Here its Chinese, English, and Math. That seems to be all any of my students study prior to high school. And they study all three through simple, brain-numbing rote. Over and over again repeating the same vocabulary, sentences, statistics. Over and over again writing the same characters, grammar patters, or formulas.

Now, I can understand this approach for Chinese as a language, because I have no idea how else to study a character-based language other than through mindless repetition. Especially with Chinese, which at times can be quite binary. You are simply not allowed to use certain words outside anything but one specific context. For example, in English, "sharp" can mean "having the ability to cut something" or "clever, intelligent." Not so in Chinese.

Were this method of thinking left to the study of Chinese, that would be fine for me. Its there language, they can do with it as the please. But they apply this binary method of thinking to all aspects of education (and vis a vis, LIFE AS A WHOLE), which makes English teaching a chore at times. English is a very expressive language, and very free, especially when compared to Chinese, and the ability to have different answers to certain grammar/vocab/writing exercises confounds my students, and at time my TAs.

Recently I got my hands on the placement test for my school, completed it, and had my TA correct it. Apparently I failed. All of the answers I had given that she had marked wrong were grammatically and topically correct. When I asked her why she said they were wrong, the response was always the same: "We Chinese are taught whenever we see [this word], it has to mean that we have to use [that word] here."

My response: "Errr... no. You can do whatever you want," after which I supplied another half dozen potential answers to the question.

As I rag on the system, let me say that these kids work hard. Really hard. Everyday from 8 AM to about 430 PM they are ini school, and when they get out they often have evening classes at private schools like mine. And at most of these private schools its more of that same mind-numbing repetition, complete with an embargo on creativity.

One of my students recently told me why she liked my class: "We get to color." "Huh? I dont understand." "I like your class because we get to color and talk and tell jokes and when we color we can color what we want and talk about what we want."

I should add this student was 13 years old.

In the end, the schools here are breeding some excellent calculators and dictionaries. But a calculator can not do anything more than it is programmed to, and you can not have a conversation with a dictionary. Not only that, but by the time these kids get to college, they are so burnt out from stress and study (more on getting into college next entry) that some seem to have given up on life. Or at least my college students seemed that way.

Chinese Education; or, What the F#ck?

Charlie, Roy, & Jack
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

For those of you who might not be aware, China has a huge population. 1.3 billion, or thereabouts. That's a lot. Trust me.

Beginning in 1980, the Chinese government instituted a "One-Child" policy. This was basically an effort to counter the cultural/historical practice of breeding like rabbits so as to curb the population problem. For those of you unfamilair with Malthus, you should understand that population grows in an exponential manner, while without technological advancement (which you can't count on outside of the grand ol' US of A) food production grows in a linear fashion.

Which means people grow fast than food. Which becomes a big problem when you and 1.3 billion others want a burrito.

Anyways, the problem in China was not only with food, but also with issues such as education. China simply can not provide education to every student. There is not enough room in the colleges, there is not enough room in the elementary schools, there are not enough teachers. It is a sad, but true fact.

This shortage, combined with the "One-Child" policy, has bred a new generation of highly competative PARENTS. That is not a typo. Parents. The students, the children, often end up spoiled as balls, as they are not only only children, and thus the sole focus of doting parents, but also the sole focus of doting parents who have recently come into more money than they could have dreamed of 10 or 15 years ago.

Now it all starts at an earlier and earlier age. When I started at my school, our youngest student was 5 or 6. But that 5 or 6 year old was an incredibly intelligent 5/6 year old and deserved (and could handle) learning a foreign language. Now we have half a dozen classes where the students are as young as 3. Again: three. They have yet to start any sort of school, they have yet to be taught any sort of discipline, they have hardly spent a moment away from Mom and Dad, and this kids are being entrusted to ME to teach them English.

By the way, these kids don't even know Chinese. Well, they know Chinese, but I know more than they do. Which is great for my ego, since now I know my own level is above a 3 year old snot eater.

Now, I'd be fine with 3 year olds if I was running some sort of pre-school deal. I remember my own days at Mrs. Jones' pre-school in Byfield; carefree days where I learned the alphabet and made macaroni pictures. Mrs. Jones instilled a sense of cooperation and respect in us, which served me well throughout the rest of my education.

But I'm not charged with that responsibility. These parents want me actually make their kids conversant in English. And I need to do it with only an hour and a half every week. With no help from the parents. The children are not expected to study outside of class, and the parents get offended when I tell them the children need to practice daily if they are are meet the expectations the parents are setting for the kids and for me.

What the parents do like to tell me is to spend more time in class with repetition. I hate repetition. I think it is the worst way to learn English. I think its actually the worst way to learn anything, but I'll digress on that later. But seriously, a parent congratualted me on what she thought was the best class I had taught where I spent 30 mintutes repeating "Can you run?" "Yes I can" and "Can you fly?" "No I cant" over and over. I guarantee you that these kids are ever asked if they can fly, well, 5 of them will tell you "no," 9 will turn around and stare at the wall, and if you're talking to my student (affectionately named after my youngest brother) Quinn, he'll just repeat whatever you said then pick his nose.

I constantly tell my school administration that I have no idea what I'm doing with kids this young, that I'm not qualified to teach them, that I spend half the class just getting them to sit properly (I cant handle surveying the room only to find myself greeted by half a dozen 4 year exhibitionists); yet I continue to get these classes. And I know why. Because the kids like me. They like me because they think I'm a funny talking monkey. I know that because I can understand them.

They also like to punch my butt.

This is the beginning of a young Chinese student's modern education. And its not even a real beginning, it is actually more of a head start, as only the privaledged can afford this luxury (yes, I'm calling the opportunity to punch my butt a luxury). More on the next step, "real" Chinese schooling, later.

Recalled to Life

ZhongBao
Originally uploaded by billmcgonigle.

My computer is back, which means I have spent most of my free time staring at the screen and catching up with my various trivia websites, news agencies, and yes, believe it or not, the Red Sox. Good to see the team holding onto 1st in the AL East. And yes, I have learned to care, because as I expected reading about baseball has survived as an umbilical (sp?) cord to good ol' Americana.

With my computer coming back I've also caught up with the real news. Real news doesnt always make the headlines in China, most notably recently with the tragedy in London. It was about 24 hours after the fact until I found out, and still most of my Chinese friends have no idea what happened. Even less have any ability to understand the significance of it, especially for someone who was in DC watching the Pentagon burn four years ago.

Anyways, I will be throwing a bunch of postings up in the near future dealing with the Chinese college experience, both from the perspective of a teacher and a student. If you're interested, check back in regularly.

The picture above is of the building where our main branch is located. The big glitzy windowed area is a restaurant that recently opened in the building, our school is kinda tucked behind the neon sign in the bottom right corner.

Don't Worry, I'm Not Dead (Yet)

In case anyone was wondering, I have not been emailing or posting anything lately due to that my laptop is being repaired. If I havent already told you all, a disc got jammed in my CD drive and I want to get it out. Well, the repair shop had to send it to Beijing to the official Apple Customer Service Center, which was fine by me when they said it would take a week. But it turns out they let the laptop sit in the Harbin office for a week gathering dust before they sent it out, so now I'm looking at maybe two weeks of down time. Sufficed to say, I'm a little annoyed. But there is nothing I can do.

I've got a lot in my head to write about, especially now that my college term has ended. I've finally come to understand a lot about the way universities work here, and I'd like to explain it, but its going to take time, and I dont get much time on the office computer, as there is only one in English that is connected to the internet and we all have to share it. Also because I don't like writing with people looking over my shoulder.

But, for the sake of a quick update, I celebrated the Fourth of July yesterday by sharing pulled pork with a few of my classes (though I still have a ton left)and checking out some fireworks. Sure, the fireworks were for "Our Friends the South Koreans," but it was Independence Day for me, so I hummed the "Star Spangled Banner" as I stood amidst a see of yellow. Then I went and drank more than enough beer.